At this very moment, I don’t know exactly how am I feeling whether I am happy or sad. When I think about my dreams that can happen so soon, I feel extremely happy. In a sudden moment I will feel very lonely when I think about the relationships I have built with my colleagues, the strangers-turned-friends I found here in Singapore. Having this place I learned to call home only after 3 years, moving forward to 2 more years, 5 years all in all. I am back to feeling like a total stranger. Like when the first time I arrived here.
I will have to settle a lot of things before I leave. And although I am already at the right age, considered adult, capable of deciding everything on my own, I feel like there is a need to at least inform my mother when I have to do some major decisions in my life. Although, it’s not obligatory, for the sake of respect, I have to let her know. And I am not sure if anyone can understand the abrupt decision that I have just made. I won’t have any source of monthly fixed income now. I will solely rely on the savings that I purposely set aside for travels. I’ve no clear picture yet of what can I expect from the next adventure I am about to set foot.
Volunteer work sounds too noble… too good to be true. But aside from my passion for doing community work while incorporating the environmental factor, this is the best that I think I could do in order to travel at the same time. I am excited. Anxious. Very much looking forward. Nervous. Scared.I can choose to stay and continue do the things that I already know and capable of doing. Then everything becomes predictable. And then what’s next? That life has to be lived based from the predominant views set by the society? Or I dare take not-the-road-less-traveled nor frequently-traveled BUT the road already-traveled by those who courageously followed their own destiny. I am not sure exactly what I am talking about, whether I make sense or not. I am just listening to what my heart has to say. I accepted the fact that maybe. Perhaps. Probably. I am different than usual. I learned to embrace my uniqueness.
People say why trade my comforts to path uncertain and unknown. I honestly don’t believe in security. There is only one security I am counting in that is my Faith in my Fate. Yes, I admit there is so much uncertainty clouding in my mind. Because nothing is definite at the moment. But what I am certain is, I will never regret my decision. I wish to concur the message of my colleague and the advice of my friend: that (maybe) now is the best time to do the things that I have always wanted to do. I acknowledge my fear and uncertainty. And I let go. Just as I have always known myself: Maf… the Free-Spirited Explorer.
I am ready.